I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
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I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize