So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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