All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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