i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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