he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
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His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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