doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize