At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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