There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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