when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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