Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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