if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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