I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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