You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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