I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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