Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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