Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize