It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm too high and old for this...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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