he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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