Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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