Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
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i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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