just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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