Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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