That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
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nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
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I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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