i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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