i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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