I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
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Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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