Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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