I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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