theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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