yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
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i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize