Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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