So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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