apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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