So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
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