He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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