Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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