I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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