How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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