she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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