she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
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Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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