Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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