I wish I could teleport
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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