I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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