you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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