6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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