How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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