My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize