I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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