My first STD was from a foam party
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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