I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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